When this year started I had no idea where I would go. I had one goal and that was to watch at least 150 movies by the end June.
I have a lot to say and I really hope you stick around till the end (or just skip till the last few paragraphs). In January I wasn’t just confused about my career, but life in general. Nothing in my life seemed to be going in any direction. I wasn’t at a crossroads, I was lost in a maze. And now that I look back at the last six months, I can see that I’ve actually been doing okay.
I wanted to give up this whole ‘The Movie Guy’ thing, because it just didn’t feel like it could amount to anything. I was so passionate about it, but yet it just didn’t seem to work out. It was rough, but I thankfully I didn’t give up.
My perseverance taught me lessons I never new I needed to learn. I was doubting myself and I was doubting my dreams. And thanks to the people who believed in me and who supported me, this Movie Guy thing seems to be picking up some steam. So to recap this year…
January
Back in January I hardly slept. I was stressed, I was anxious, I was scared and I swear my hair was greying at the speed of light. I was in a dark place, but then I switched on the light, because it was night.I realised I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had no will to go on for a moment.
I sort of had no place to stay at the moment. I made plans, but due to reasons beyond my control things changed in the blink of an eye. I had to go back to the farm, because it was the only place I still had a bed to sleep on. Thankfully God saw me and things changed.
February
I moved to Cape Town (I’m still not sure if it’s permanent or temporary). My brother got a new job and asked that I join him in the Mother City. And I figured this might be the opportunity for me to find a full-time job as well. Yes, I was working full-time, but not earning a cent from what I was doing.
After moving I decided to take matters into my own hands and I contacted every single movie production and distribution company to work with them. They saw my social media pages and about 5 of time decided my work was good enough to collaborate with. This meant that I get invited to early movie screenings and some other events. And even though I don’t get payed for it, it was a step in the right direction.
March
It finally seemed like I had the chance to make this work. I was invited to the Dune: Part Two screening, which at the time was the biggest film in world. I got to attend two or three other screenings in March and everything was looking great…
At least I thought it was. I lost my footing again and my mind went tumbling down the gutter. It’s hard to keep depression and anxiety in-check and it always drags you down hard when it seems like your taking a step forward. I kept praying and I somehow made it through the month of March.
April
It was Comic Con month again. Everyone knows I love Comic Con. Every time I get to attend these conventions I get to be myself. I get to feel alive and I get to do more than just the work I love. This year’s Comic Con Cape Town was fantastic. It’s definitely one of me new core memories.
The pressure started to built at the end of April, My visa was about to expire, and it cost a arm and a leg to extend it. I knew I still had a lot left to do in Cape Town, it felt like I was finally becoming someone but the rug was being pulled out under me. It was also my birthday month, which was nice.
May
…And by some miracle I got to hand in my visa application (I’m still waiting for approval, but at least I’m still in the country). In May I also decided to publish the last issue of The Movie Guyde (you can read it here). For those who don’t know it was my take on an online pop culture/movie magazine. I had been working on the last edition for several months and I have to say I was proud of what I accomplished.
I also finally had a job interview. After months of sending in CV’s non-stop and hours of scrolling through LinkedIn, I finally got a job interview. I was praying for this for months. I was ready, I did my homework, I was getting things ready to apply for a workers permit and then I didn’t get it. At least I got to talk to people and they know my name now, right?
June
I was a little heartbroken after the unsuccessful job applications and the failing interview. This was just the start of what felt like a really bad month. I was sick for almost two weeks in June, so I could hardly do any work. My phone gave in, but it still works sometimes. This meant that I couldn’t share my content, which lowered the chance of any income.
I was however able to do one thing. Something I’ve been working on a while and I didn’t share it with anyone. I published what is my last cookbook for now, Eat Like A Namibian: Worldwide. I had been working on this cookbook for almost a decade to be honest. I pulled from my mother’s recipes and and the recipes I’ve using since I first started in the kitchen.
I took 80 of the best, wrote it down and published it on Amazon. Unfortunately the printed books don’t ship to Namibia or South Africa, but I do have a digital version available. And for the first time ever I sold three books on Amazon, it might not seem like a lot but it’s a small victory for me. It means that at least three people across the world thought my book was good enough to own.
And that in a nutshell was pretty much the first six months of 2024 for me. The reason I’m writing all of this is actually to remind myself that even though I broke down multiple times over the last 181 days, but I pulled through and I actually found value in the things I do. It might not be big, but it is something.
Here are some more of my small achievements of the year so far. I watched 175 films (including documentaries and shorts) and I reviewed most of it. I watched at least 40 different TV shows and I reviewed some. I gained over 100 new subscribers on YouTube and I finally reached 400 000 total views on it as well. I also finally started publishing cooking videos again.
I honestly thought I did nothing this year, but now that I look back I realise that I did do something. None of this would’ve been possible without my faith in God and the faith others have in me. I can’t thank everyone enough for helping me. Those who pray for me and those who help me financially (even those N$10 go a long way).
What’s next for me? Well, I don’t know. My visa extensions expires at the end of July, and I really hope I can somehow stay longer in Cape Town. In the six months here I’ve been able to achieve more than I did in 4 years living in Namibia. I do know one thing I won’t stop writing and creating content.
I’m already planning to write a second draft for my spec script Ek is Bruin. I also plan to pitch some ideas to the Namibian FIlm Commision, hopefully I get to funding to shoot films. I also thought about applying to a film school. Not only will that get me a visa, but it will also give me the tools to actually get a foot in the door of the film industry. It’s expensive, but miracles happen every day.
That’s my story, I really hope you read it all. If you still feel like like supporting me, then please contact me.
deklerkb@yahoo.com or themovieguy.nam@gmail.com
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