I’ve always been afraid of running out of things to say and not being able to come up with new stories.
When I really started coming to terms that I’m a writer, I was scared that someday I might run out of ideas. I was scared that the little voice in my head will just go silent. I was scared that all the paintings in my mind would turn in blank canvases. And I’m not just talking about the stories or columns or poems disappearing… What if my mind just go blank and creativity disappears?
I’ve always admired artists who continue to create new art time after time. It’s not always great or even good, but they keep coming up with something new or different. I’m talking about musicians, writers, sculptors, filmmakers, poets, etc. I’ve always wondered how they kept going.
Every time I have writers block I struggle with this. I keep asking myself, “what if I can never come up with another idea again?” And for someone with anxiety the over-thinking can get pretty weird. The worst part is that it feels like something is crushing my brain and not allowing anything to go in or out.
It gets difficult to form a comprehensive thoughts and the more I worry, the worse it gets. Thankfully, I’ve been able to pull myself out of that pit over and over again. Ironically the time in the darkness usually sparks the next idea.
I still worry that the spark might not happen next time, so this is another reason why I want to write these columns, articles, or whatever you want to call it. If by some curse I run out of ideas, I want to come back to these stories and be reminded of what I’ve done and hopefully be inspired to do it again.
I don’t want the anxiety get the best of me and leave me to die a creative death. I want to keep writing, even if it sometimes comes out as nonsense or repetitive. I want to keep this brain going and hopefully it will keep releasing sparks.
If it happens that I do run out of ideas, then I’m just going to do what Hollywood does best – recycle the story or better yet, write a sequel. Anxiety sucks, but it keeps me at the edge of my seat. If I didn’t worry about losing my creativity, then I wouldn’t have regarded it as an essential part of my being.
The anxiety reminds me of this precious gift God gave me and even if it keeps me up at night, it gives me purpose. It gives me something to chase. The last thing I want to do is to just drift through life again. So… What if I Run out of Ideas? Well, then the Barry who wrote this will just have to light a fire in the Barry who comes back to read this. And I hope that everyone who reads this never run out of ideas, no matter what work you do.
