I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I wrote this for you to remind you of who you are.
I’ve wanted to be a writer for most of my life, it all started when I first learned about story writing back in 1999. It’s funny back then I didn’t even know when a writer was, but I ended up writing a short story… And right now, I don’t know what I have to do to finally reach a place where I can genuinely feel like I am a good writer.
It all really started to come together with poetry. I started writing poetry when I was 13, maybe 12 years old. When I turned 16 I really started to take it serious and for the rest of high school I focused really hard on making it work. I remember I had this flip file with dozens of poems, and yes most of them were about my crushes (I think they know who they are).
After high school I took a gap year, just to try and figure stuff out because I knew I wasn’t meant for the corporate world and I really didn’t excel in school – I was just below average. The year gave me a fresh perspective, because I wrote some of my best poems yet. One poem was even featured on a radio show.
I thought that was my big break, but it barely lasted 10 minutes. I kept on writing and someone actually asked me to write some lyrics for their upcoming album, but that didn’t pan out either. Eventually I had to start working, because life has a way of getting in the way of your dreams. I still tried to continue writing but didn’t have the time anymore. What made it more difficult I was stuck in this corporate hell for a while – the one place I didn’t want to be.
Eventually I slowly stopped writing. I developed carpal tunnel, it actually started in high school already but it wasn’t that bad. So… I couldn’t hold a pen for more than 5 seconds without being in pain. That’s when I finally stopped. I gave up on this dream, writing isn’t for everyone, right?
About 2 years later things changed. I wasn’t writing poetry anymore, but I was working as a journalist. The spark I felt in high school, was sort of back. I got to focus on bettering my skills as a writer and I had taught myself how to type my thoughts instead of penning them down.
Finally I had another heartbreak and you know what that means – poetry. I started writing or rather typing it on my phone. And the only way to never lose it, because I lost my flip file, was to post it online. I decided to post the poems as captions on my Facebook and Instagram pictures.
I was doing what I loved again, but little did I know that something dark was happening to me as well. I started having anxiety attacks and eventually these poems about heartbreak, love and all things beautiful stopped. Poetry became an escape from the terrors of my mind.
I realised that my poems were darker than I intended, but I found solace in writing. The one thing I was thankful for is that my work gave me a place to express myself through columns. I got to tell my own stories and not just the stories of others.
The freedom I finally got at the Windhoek Express was to talk about something else I really love, movies. I started to slowly focus on entertainment and pop culture more, which was great since I’ve always been this geeky kid. I got to live the dream, until I didn’t – but that’s a story for another day.
My life took a few left turns and I never really got back to where I wanted. When the pandemic came I started going through all my poems again, some older than 10 years. And that’s when I decided to combine some into a poetry bundle.
I called it Just Me, because it was just me, no filters, no lies, just the light and dark side of who I was. At the same time I started working on writing down my favourite recipes, which became my first, second, third and fourth cookbooks. All of it is still on the internet somewhere.
In middle 2023 I wrote when I now think is my last poetry bundle, Broken + Healed. It dove a little deeper into my struggles with mental illness. It wasn’t easy to write and sometimes it isn’t easy to read. The easiest part was creating the cover.
So why am I telling you all of this? Well, my dream of writing poems might be gone, but I did get to share it with the world. It doesn’t matter if only 2 or 3 people read the poetry bundles, I still took a chance on myself. It might not be the financial success I hoped for, but it’s something to proud of.
I have been thinking of giving up on The Movie Guy, I’ll talk about that more next time. I gave poetry almost 20 years of my life, and it didn’t catch on like I hoped.
The success of it all is that I actually did it. Ten-year-old Barry would be so excited to know that I wrote and published 2 poetry bundles. I didn’t have the connections or the support, but I put it out there and that’s something to be proud of. I did something I love and maybe it can someday help someone else do the thing they love. Maybe one of those poems will fall into the right hands.
