A year ago I arrived in the Mother City and a lot has changed since I made the biggest move of my life.
I felt like I was stuck in hell for more than 5 years. Each day felt like a recurring nightmare and each second I dug myself deeper and deeper into the hole of depression. I wasn’t myself anymore, I needed something to drastically change. And what changed was something I never could’ve imagined.
I had to leave behind a life I’ve gotten used to. I had to step out of my comfort-zone and into the unknown. I had to face some of my biggest fears. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t an anxious wreck. I was scared, because every time I took a daring step it always ended up in failure. Was this big move going to fail as well? I don’t know yet, but here’s the story.
I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health since early 2018, before then I had panic attacks and depressive episodes – it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Unfortunately in January 2018 something just broke inside me and I’ve never told anyone about it. I could slowly feel myself dying.
I started making stupid choices, things that were completely out of character. And one of the worst choices I made was deciding not to reach out for help. I thought I could heal myself with writing poetry and awarding my small achievements. I did make one good decision during this season, I invested more time in The Movie Guy.
During my darkest time I started watching more movies, it might not have healed me but it did soothe some of the pain. It’s safe to say that going to the movies kept me from going on a darker path. I still needed to fight off the mental troubles.
After 2018 things went south fast, but that is a story for a different day – I still have 11 months worth of columns to write. Back to 2024… I got the opportunity to come to Cape Town and with a lot of hesitation I decided to make the move.
I love Cape Town, but I never thought that I would ever call it home. It was a new environment and here I was in the big city after living on a farm for almost 4 years. It was a big adjustment, it wasn’t easy, but I can say it was worth it.
If I look back at what I’ve done over the last 12-months, I can’t help but to feel grateful. I’ve definitely moved out of my comfort zone. I’ve done things that would scare any introvert and I’ve defied most of the odds stacked against me. I’ve taken these 12 months to fully develop my role as The Movie Guy.
The Movie Guy has opened doors for me and I’m finally in a place where I can dream again. I know what I want to do and what I need to do. I was lost for so long, and it still takes some getting used to.
I know I still have a lot of work to do. I know I still have to invest more time and energy into this. And I know that I have to be more patient with myself. If you joined me on my journey over the last 12 months, thank you for being here. And if you’ve been here from the start – thank you for holding my hand during my darkest season. Now let’s see where the next 12 months will lead.
